Body image

I've recently got back from a lovely holiday in Greece, and it got me thinking about how I felt about my back while I was on holiday.

Ever since I was diagnosed with scoliosis, body image has been a diffcult subject for me. All my body confidence issues seem to magnify by 1000 whenever I go on holiday and my back is on 'display' more. For me, post surgery, dealing with my body image hasnt got any easier. Pre-surgey I thought that all my body image issues would disapper post surgery - I was so wrong. 

I'm aware that my back doesnt look that bad but it's not "normal" and somehow I feel even more concious of it post surgery. I dread wearing a bikini and generally, when I'm on a beach style holiday, I have several 'techniques' to try and hide my back from others:

1. I try and get a sunbed as close to the pool / sea as possible to avoid walking past others when getting in and out of the pool
2. I won't go to the pool bar etc without getting dressed again even if it's really hot
3. I won't go to the swim up bar incase people notice my back while I'm sat having a drink
4. I won't go into the pool without a vest/t-shirt on over my bikini, some days I even avoid going into the pool at all (even if it's hot) as I don't want to walk past people.
5. If I want to get up off my sunlounger, I won't even stand up incase people see my back, so I will try really hard to get my top on over my bikini before standing up.

In addition I get REALLY paranoid about people looking at me, to the point of obsession almost. If people look at me, I assume they are looking at my back and thinking bad things.

So what worried me this holiday, is that these behavioural traits that I've been doing for years pre-surgery, I STILL can't seem to shake 3 years post op. It's really, really difficult for me to be in public in a bikini on holiday. To the point that I'd avoid it at all costs because I find people looking at me and my back too hard to cope with.

I write this post because it highlights that surgery is not a 'quick fix' for all the body confidence issue scoliosis causes. Yes, it improved how I looked, but it did not fix the psychological damage living with the condition for 10 years had already caused. 

It may not be this way for everyone but this is my experience, and it kind of makes me sad that I still feel this way and that it affects what I do or don't do on my holiday.

To try and overcome this, on this holiday I purposely made myself do things I was uncomfortable with - I went into the pool without my vest top over my bikini several times, I sat on the edge of the pool reading (without a vest top over my bikini) AND I went to the pool bar, which were big things for me to do.

However, I have still not managed to walk past people just wearing my bikini. 

I think I'll have to work up to that.

3 years post op!

Today I am three years post op from my scoliosis surgery and I really can't believe how fast that time has gone. So much has changed in the last three years and I've come so far, I am now very busy studying an MSc course whilst working full time - hence why I havent updated my blog for a while! I've been so busy getting an assignment done this month that I almost forgot that it was my three year scoliosis surgery anniversary. In a way, I think that's a good thing as it shows that my back doesn't rule my life anymore.

So how does my back feel at three years post op? I think in all honesty it's still improving. In the past 6 months I've noticed that I seem to have got some of my flexibility back that I thought was gone forever. 

Yes, I still can't bend the fused part of my back (T3-L3) BUT I can bend from my hips and recently I've noticed that when I'm sitting down I can bend like I used to before surgery to pick something off the floor! This may not seem like much to some people but for me this is a big thing and it makes me so happy that I can now do this. I can also bend quite far from my waist now, although I can't touch my toes (yet!) 

I think it just goes to show how long the recovery can take, it still surprises me the differences I notice in my back month by month - even now.

Scoliosis Awareness Month

June 29th is International Scoliosis Awaness Day! So what will you doing to raise awareness for scoliosis? There's lots of information plus some fantastic resources and inspiration available from the Scoliosis Association here. 

Scoliosis scar: 2 years 8 months post op

Here's a picture of my scoliosis scar at 2 years 8 months post op, as you can see its faded quite a bit. I thought I'd take a picture now to show those facing surgery, or those at the beginning of their recovery, what the scar can look like later on during recovery. I get asked quite a bit about how my scar looks so.. there you go!

Raise money for scoliosis

I'm always trying to find ways to raise money for scoliosis research and for those who don't know, half the money generated by advertising on this blog will be donated to the Scoliosis Association - so the more attention the blog gets, the better! 

I've also recently come across a great fundraising website that's free to join, and if you shop online via them, a percentage will be given to the Scoliosis Association. It's a great way to give to an important cause - while you shop! 

Simply shop with any of over 2000 well known retailers listed on easyfundraising.org.uk and a percentage of what you spend is passed to Scoliosis Association at no additional cost to you. Retailers include Amazon, M&S, Vodafone, eBay, Tesco, Viking and many more. Support the scoliosis association today -http://www.easyfundraising.org.uk/causes/sauk

Richard III: Channel 4 documentary and scoliosis

It's all over the news at the minute, it has been confirmed that the skeleton buried underneath a car park in Leicester discovered several months ago is in fact Richard III. 

What interested me more though, was his skeleton showed that he had scoliosis, which shows just how long the condition has been around.

I can sympathise with Richard III, as looking at his skeleton reminded me of my curve pre-surgery and I really felt for the guy knowing the pain and discomfort he must have been in everyday. Having said that, he didn't seem to let his scoliosis stop him, either!

I felt compelled to write this post after watching the Channel 4 documentary about Richard III last night, which showed how his skeleton was found. I was looking forward to watching it, as I felt it would be a real chance for Channel 4 to raise awareness of scoliosis in a positive and inspiring way. In some ways, I actually felt proud to be connected to a former King through my scoliosis.

What I witnessed, in fact, was a poorly researched programme which to me reflected scoliosis in a highly negative and offensive way.

Scoliosis was portrayed negatively to millions of people, with frequent uses of offensive words being inaccurately used to describe scoliosis throughout the documentary.

What upsets me more, is that there are now many people out there, including children in schools, who will think it's ok to use these offensive words, not just as a result of this programme but also the other inaccurate media coverage out there about Richard III and his scoliosis. It makes me so mad.

Scoliosis effects your self confidence and body image in a big way, I should know, and the insensitive comments throughout this particular documentary and other media coverage will not help those with the condition and are extremely hurtful.

This was a prime opportunity for Channel 4 to promote a positive message about scoliosis including understanding and acceptance but for me this programme did the exact opposite.

I have already made a complaint to Channel 4 but I think it highlights more than ever how important it is to raise awareness of scoliosis and set the record STRAIGHT (so to speak!) :-) about what it really involves and it how it affects people's lives everyday.

Winter Warmers - Pain Relief

Image by insane gal via Flickr

With winter brings dark nights, cold frosty/snowy days and for me and many other scoliosis sufferers - increased back pain.

The cold weather tends to cause an achy type pain and extra stiffness in my lower back, which for some reason I've noticed even more since my surgery and have noticed even more over the past few days. This is one of the reasons I detest winter, that and fear of slipping on icy ground and damaging my metalwork.

During winter, you'll usually find me with a hot water bottle or heat pad permanently attached to my back, as I find heat therapy really helps to relieve my aches and pains. 

As we've been hit by freezing temperatures and snow this week in the UK, I thought I'd share some useful tips/products that I've found and that could help get us through the upcoming winter months.

1. Heat Pads

I found this mobile heat pad on stressnomore.co.uk and think it looks perfect as you can actually strap it round your body! It beats having a hot water bottle tucked down the back of my trousers!

 
This one is also from stressnomore.co.uk. The Beurer HK63 Rheumatherm Magnetic Heating Pad cleverly incorporates heat and magnetic therapy for pain relief.




Amazon also have a good selection of heat pads.

2. Hot water bottles

A scoliosis sufferers best friend! I find my hot water bottle works wonders on my aching back and feels like bliss.

3. A hot bath / shower

If you find having a bath comfortable it can really help the pain. I actually find having a bath quite uncomfortable post-surgery as I cant bend my back against the bath and just have to sit upright which isnt very comfortable! Perhaps a bath pillow would help but I'm yet to find a decent one. I also find it quite difficult getting in and out of the bath so I prefer to have a shower which can be just as good for pain relief!

4. A lie down on a memory foam mattress / topper

For me, memory foam is the best invention ever and a lie down on my memory foam topper instantly relieves my pain. Lots of cushions also help.

5. Thermal tops

I've recently tried wearing a thermal vest top underneath my clothes which really helps to keep the cold out of my back.

Failing the above, a holiday to a nice hot beach will also do just fine! ;)